IU Signs Crean to Major Extension
(Ass. Hall, Bloomington) Following his vote of confidence just days ago, IU's Fred Glass shocked the college basketball world and expressed his undying admiration and respect for Crean with a contract extension that will make Tan Tommy the Head Forehead at IU well into the 20s. The contract was said to be worth over $3million/year with incentives for beating ranked teams in December, splitting with Purdue and making the round of 32 in the NCAA tournament.
When asked about the deal, Clappy responded,
"I had been thinking about Fred a lot since last weekend..." He continued, "Much like Purdue's Hammons, I'll be back next year. But I'll also be back for long after that. We have a ton to look forward to next season- I have 16 players signed to be Hoo-Hoo-Hoosiers for the 2015-2016 season."
Adjusting his pants and nervously drinking Diet Coke, he thankfully ended the press conference by saying,
"I'm thankful that I'm a church goer...and was raised right. Because I prayed for this miracle."
After the press conference, Yogi Ferrell announced he'd forgo his Senior year to play in Italy and a few of the players that decided to stay lit a fatty in celebration.
History repeated itself a bit as Crean fielded questions from the media. Crean pulled a freshly-minted red t-shirt with white letters, out from under the table that read "Crean & Crimson 4 Ever" on the front...and, "The #2Movement" on the back (a reference to a Twitter campaign that IU fans have started).
Sadly none of the above actually happened. But don't we all wish it had?
Instead, the reality is Crean's seat has gotten crimson hot. Local media outlets and national college basketball magazines believe that IU fans have grown so tired of on and off court issues at IU, that they're ready to buy his contract out.
Crean's buyout is a whopping $12million on April 1st...so I'm hoping logic will prevail in Bloomington and we'll get one or two more seasons of The Forehead at the helm. But logic has never been IU fans' strong suit as we all know...so they might just get the scratch together for the hefty buyout.
Keep in mind IU fans, I don't want Crean gone...I've enjoyed watching him guide the clowns in candy striped pants. But if he must go, here are my suggestions of whom might be his successor:
1. Dan Dakich
IU guy...Knight guy...Would probably leave his radio/TV gigs to come back to Ass. Hall.
2. Jim Crews
IU guy...Knight guy...Interim tag at St.Louis can be shed as he makes the 5 hour trip to Bloomington.
3. Steve Alford
IU guy...Knight guy...He gave Purdue Octeus...so I think he deserves a chance to coach his alma mater!
4. Dane Fife
IU guy...Knight guy...MSU assistant coach to Izzo. Probably learned some tricks from the giant-headed MSU coach...is supposedly emotionally unstable; IU fans will be ready for that in the wake of Crean's departure.
5. Mike Woodson
IU guy...Knight guy...IU fans clamored for his hire a few years back...I'm clamoring for it now. Go make it happen, IU faithful!
(Also in the running: Isaiah Thomas, Pat Knight, Randy Wittman and Bobby Knight)
The theme here is obvious, no? Things were better when Bobby was around, right!! Go get a guy from his coaching tree; it's the right thing to do.
An outside-the-box idea: Jim Boeheim. If ya can't beat him, hire him!
The last time IU saw 'Cuse's coach, he was waxing the Hoosiers highly-ranked squad with a bunch of players that might or might not have ever taken a test...but those "student athletes" could execute the zone defense! According to a few sources, the problems at Syracuse are so severe that he might not return there. Well, just as IU fans thought they could reform Kelvin Sampson with a contract, I think they can do the same with Coach Boeheim. Like you guys, I believe the magic of Hall of Calls can do anything!!
There is one nightmare scenario that I'm not mentioning on purpose...and the reason why is quite simple: I just don't want IU fans to get their hopes up just to have them dashed. It's already been a tough enough year (you know with the arrests, sweep by Purdue and crappy end to the season)...don't pile on yourselves!
Set your sites low, Hoo-hoo-hoosiers, you deserve nothing better.