IU Title Watch: Nearing 20-Year Drought

Indiana University basketball is off a roaring start under Kelvin Sampson, AKA Coach Sanctions. The Hoosiers lost last night to Butler and, nothing against Butler, but isn't this just delicious?

Seeing Coach Sanctions go down in his home state (granted, it was Butler's home city, but still) in just the second game of the year is wonderful.

As the game ended, Sampson walked off the court quickly, presumably to make a phone call to a still-in-high-school potential recruit.

Coach Sanctions: "Hey, champ, how's it going?"

Recruit: "Ummm, well, okay. I just watched you guys lose to Butter."

Coach Sanctions: "That's Butler, son."

Recruit: "Whatever."

Coach Sanctions: "So aren't you looking forward to playing for us and helping us out in a couple years?"

Recruit: "I don't know, maybe. Are you gaining weight? You look really puffy. You're not going to explode, are you?"

Coach Sanctions: "Not cool, man."

Recruit: "Also, coach, can you stop leaving those messages about how 'long' I am on my myspace page? The guys think I'm kind of swishy."

Coach Sanctions: "But I'm in love with your size, kid."

Recruit: "Coach! Come on, man."

Coach Sanctions: "Come on yourself... are you going to commit to IU or what? I can make sure you get free tickets to the football games in the fall, too...if you're into that sort of thing."

Recruit: "I don't know, coach. I don't think those circus pants you guys wear during warmups are very cool. Why don't you modernize the uniform?"

Coach Sanctions: "That's not how we do things here at Indiana. We're traditional."

Recruit: "But you call me all the time and you're not supposed to... is that a tradition, too?"

Coach Sanctions: "Hmm?"

Recruit: "And stop texting me about how great Bloomington is. I know it's you from the area code."

Coach Sanctions (muttering): "Dammit."

Recruit: "Listen, I gotta go. Coach Donovan is on the other line."

Theres no Matsuzaka in team

Football on Hardwood

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