This Should Improve Our Appearance

Recently, we were bashed in the comments of a post about how non-topical we are, how awful we are, etc. (The picture here is simply because I think the Snorg girl is hot.)

Specifically, some of what we were bashed for not writing about were:

Mavs versus Warriors
Mayweather-DeLaHoya
The Kentucky Derby
Tiger Woods

These suggestions were followed by the clever barb, "You guys don't miss a thing!"

Well, just for the record, we did know these things were going on. Of course, what can you say about such awesome topics? I mean, the random doofus who criticized us (whose name may or may not rhyme with Bark Churley) surely hadn't seen any of those topics over-covered on Sportscenter or anything, so by all means we should have been providing breaking news coverage. So let's recap:

Mavs-Warriors: Definitely an exciting series and a cool result, but does anyone really care about basketball in Northern California? Does anyone care about anything in NoCal? And in Dallas, aren't the Mavs just a distraction until they can begin drawling about the Cowboys again? The NBA sucks in general, allowing the most decent series they had (Suns-Spurs) to be decided by a lame rule that David Stern doesn't have the stones to call what it is: stupid. Well done, NBA! Now you've got some real exciting basketball going on! Hell, the NBA doesn't even understand that they should re-seed after each round like the NHL does. Putzes. Plus you have teams openly tanking to try to get the first pick in the draft. Great league!

Mayweather-De La Hoya: If you were drawn in to caring about this fight, then there's not much hope for you. Boxing is over with and has been for some time. There's no organization, there's no control, there's no discernable champion out there... and nobody with any athletic ability chooses boxing anymore. De La Hoya is, what, 48 years old? Good gracious, who cares about this crap? And then, as part of the effort to make people care about boxing again, this is put on exclusive pay-per-view for fifty-some bucks. Hooray, well done! The sports bar I was in that night in Atlantic City couldn't even show it because they'd have to pay for each TV they had in the bar. Brilliant! And then it ends in a decision, anyway! Yeah, we should definitely have written up something about that snore-fest! Wheeee!!

The Kentucky Derby: Yeah, some horses ran in a f-cking circle. One of them won. And then he went back to his stall to stand in his own poop. What amazing athletes. And they're all ridden by diminutive, eunich-sounding psuedo-males who sound about as bright as the nearest fence post. The fact that people analyize horse-racing makes me want to punch someone. They're horses. They're not people. Also? Barbaro didn't understand any of your emails. Start to deal with this. In other news, the Preakness happened last weekend and, again, some horses ran fast and then it was over. The end.

Tiger Woods: Yes, yes, he played golf with Michael Jordan. Yes, they're such awesome friends. Yes, they bet asinine amounts of money because they're richer than any of us could ever be. Yes, they goof around and tease each other like latent homosexuals. Why is this a story, again? Golf becomes relevant again in a few weeks at the U.S. Open.

Coming soon, posts about the NCAA fencing championships and the hot start that Major League Soccer is off to this season! Yeaaaaahhh!!!

In Good Hands With Morgan Burke

Dan Patrick's Love Affair With Brett Favre

0