So here we go.
The following four entries are the finalists for the Boiled Sports golf givaway. If you haven't been reading and aren't up to speed (or have a really bad memory), catch up here and here.
Let me also do the obligatory, "all the entries were great" thing. No, but seriously, they really were. I wish we could buy another foursome or two and declare many winners because, honestly, a golf outing with the witty readers of BS would probably be more fun than should be allowed.
That said, we only have the one slot to give away. And here's where we need reader input. Please read the following four entries and then vote in the poll at the right. No, it's not perfectly scientific, but then again, you aren't determining this by yourselves. We'll close the poll on Thursday evening and B-Dowd and I will confer and, at that time, share our votes with one another. Between, me, him and your votes, hopefully we'll arrive at a consensus. If not, a dance-off will commence. Enjoy.
(And, for the record, these are in no particular order. Just the order I opened the Word docs in.)
Entry 1 -- "Doing it for Dad"
What’s up fellas? I would like to enter my father into this contest and am writing without his knowledge. He’s a Purdue grad from way back in 1978. He’s spent the last 31.5 years teaching U.S. History and Psychology at Connersville High School and this is the first year of his retirement. He now resides in Lafayette and is a season ticket holder for football and split a season ticket package for basketball this season. While in Lafayette he works as a substitute teacher at Central Catholic Junior/Senior High School.
I don’t think his golfing skills would work out that well for winning a trophy but the guy is no slouch. To give you an idea he falls somewhere between Judge Smails throwing his club and Ty hitting every putt on the green. Basically what I’m telling you is he’d probably be good for a shot here or there.
Sure it’s weird to enter my dad rather than myself but I’m not much of a golfer and I don’t think anyone is more deserving. He put 4 kids through Purdue. He has an entire room in his house, where I still live, with Purdue memorabilia. He’s kind enough to put up with his son who lives with them despite having a full time job so I can save money for a wedding that’s upcoming.
Don’t worry about him not being old and curmudgeon like. He isn’t one of the olds at Mackey and Ross Ade. Our seats are in the last row of Ross Ade so that we can stand and clap without any idiots yelling at us to sit down. At Mackey he’s constantly standing and cheering, but more importantly the guy is only in his early 50’s so stop being so judgmental you jerks!
Most importantly to me he puts up with his blogging son who has a full time job and still lives at home. The guy is a saint who raised 4 boys and probably wanted to yell at times but was the best father in the world. The guy deserves so much and I try to give it to him whenever I can, oh man that sounds dirty oh well there’s no going backward only forward (stupid typewriter).
He’s not exactly a hot female golfer but let me tell ya all 5’5 of him is a real catch. If nothing else there’s no way you’d be the smallest guy in the foursome. So he’s got that going for him, which is nice. Also, he has a rather large collection of vintage Playboy’s that I might have snuck looks at in my early years. Keep that in mind.
As you can tell he’s a good dude who I’m sure would love the opportunity to be involved in such a great event. You’ll also notice I only used one space after a period per your earlier tweet (yes I’m clearing sucking up).
Entry 2 -- "Ladies Tees"
So I heard you all need a fourth partner for the Drew Brees Golf Outing and I think I am your girl. I do have some golf ability considering I took the golf class at good old Purdue and the pro thought I had played before (the first day of class was my first day swinging a golf club…ever). But more importantly, I am five foot tall and blonde and although I do not think my back side looks near as good as Natalie Gulbis’s, I get told otherwise.
Besides, I think you should pick me because I am graduating in a week (how cool of a grad gift would free golf be right?) and on my way to law school (read: no life for the next three years), and I could use one last breath of fun before I start living in a library. I want to go into sports and entertainment ideally, so even though I can be a girly girl, I can also talk sports with the boys. And you do not have to worry about walking on eggshells with me either. I have bunches of guy friends and am in a sorority so dirty jokes and cursing like a sailor are my idea of a good time.
Other than that, since I weigh about 100 pounds soaking wet, drinks from the drink cart will not put you out much money since I am a lightweight or cheap date, whichever way you want to look at it. The best part is you will get 18 holes to make fun of me for using hot pink women’s and junior clubs and not being able to drive more than 100 yards off the tee (don’t worry my short game is decent).
I will stop writing now, since after all it is senior week and I should be drinking or doing something irresponsible, like trying to get kicked out of Harry’s.
Entry 3 -- "The Purdue Lifer"
I hope you’ll read this letter and really consider adding me as the crucial fourth member of your group for the Drew Brees golf outing:
First of all, I am currently a Purdue student. I’ll be a senior in the fall. I am majoring in political science and just completed a semester internship at the Indiana Statehouse. I am actually the fourth generation to attend Purdue from my family, and both my parents graduated from Purdue.
More importantly, though, I am a true bleed-black-and-gold Purdue fan. I have been indoctrinated in the culture of Purdue. I love Purdue and have loved it my whole life. It was actually one of the first words I ever spoke.
I have been attending Purdue basketball and football games my whole life. I was there when three Purdue Petes celebrated another Big Ten Championship in 1996. I was there for the field-storming when Purdue beat Notre Dame for the first time under Tiller (but I wasn’t allowed on the field). I’ve enjoyed many spankings of IU in Mackey and Ass Hall. I was there for the deafening atmosphere in Mackey when JaJuan and Etwaun beat the Buckeyes this year. I finally got to storm the field myself when Purdue beat Ohio State two years ago with Joey Elliott. I made the road trip to Detroit for Curtis Painter’s heart attack comeback against Central Michigan. And my best Purdue memory actually involves Drew Brees—I was there for “Brees to Moraleeeeees!”
Having a chance to meet Drew Brees would be so unbelievable to me. The Brees Rose Bowl team was probably my favorite team at Purdue. I got to meet a lot of the guys from the team before and after the games. I was watching warm-ups and Tim Stratton threw me the football from the field. For a ten year-old kid, that was a moment I will never forget. And I really admire the athlete and person Drew Brees has become. He’s a real role model for me.
But enough of the Purdue sentimental crap: The real reason I should be included in your foursome is because I am an awesome golfer, if I do say so myself. I consider myself a modern day Ty Webb (Chevy Chase in Caddyshack), not because I measure myself with other golfers by height but because I have developed that force in the universe that allows me to be the ball.
I try to play almost every day. I went out on the course on Mother’s Day for a round with my mom and grandmother. I know I should have let them win, but I just can’t help getting really competitive when it comes to golf. So, yeah, I basically kicked their asses.
Anyway, I’m a big fan of your Web page and of the Handsome Hour, so please give me this great chance.
Entry 4 -- "Porter Roberts Likes His T-Shirt"
I became a Boiler in 1987 when my oldest brother Dave went there. I put up with IU crap in Greenwood, Indiana. When I got my license I was more excited to visit my other brother Ben, who was then a Boiler, than I was to drive around scenic Fort Wayne.
Some may say I take my love for Purdue sports too far. After Chad Austin's Ass Hall dagger in '97, I saw him wearing his hat tilted to the side when speaking with the media after the game, and I felt obligated to do the same the next day in school. That same year I printed out the NBA stats of Alan Henderson & Glenn Robinson to confront a moron who told me that brittle knees was Big Dog's equivalent as a player.
At Purdue, I was a 4 year season ticket holder for football and basketball. I was there for the Morales catch, the Dorsch bird flip, and unfortunately, saw us lose to ND in our last home game while I was a student. I participated in the 3 consecutive field rushes in 2000. I went in Old Gold to Columbus for the rainy OSU game in 1999 and watched helpless as Dorsch got an easy FG blocked (for the 57th time in his career) that would have tied the game. I was also in Bloomington that year when Vinny ran a punt back that allowed us to win and me to breathe for the 1st time in about 46 minutes.
My co-rec run-ins with Purdue basketball players were almost all positive. Although my intramural team won the game, a then-redshirting Willie Deane threw down a memorable dunk. Mike Robinson/Michelle Duhart were good people and teammates. Alan Eldridge surprisingly had me in the athleticism department, while Tony Mayfield surprisisingly did not. I got into a verbal spat with Joe Marshall (which I was told was quite entertaining) and ended up scoring over him to win the game. While funny, I was slightly embarrased to play against Porter Roberts while wearing a t-shirt with his picture on it (1996 Big 10 title shirt). Porter noticed and complimented me on it, escalating the embarrasment.
My appreciation for Drew has continued since his days as #15. I spend a little too much every year on him in my fantasy football auction. I was angry at any Purdue alum that rooted for the Colts in the 2010 Super Bowl. I have donated to his charity and twice written him letters seeking an autographed gift for my ex-girlfriend. Both times he kindly obliged.
I would appreciate this gift more than some others. Perhaps as importantly, my golf game will not show anyone up. The odds of me playing an entire hole well are equivalent to the odds that Danny Hope will one day be described as the Bill Belichick of the Big 10. Lastly, in honor of Francis from the movie Summer School, this contest is very, very, very, very cool. Thanks.
Vote now. Polls close Thursday. Winner announced Friday.
So here we go.