LeBrononsense

Hey, there's not much else to write about right now and this is what everyone else is doing... plus the NBA is so frigging awesome, how could I not weigh in on this most idiotic debate?

Depending on which ill-informed moron (or set of morons) you talk to, LeBron is a done deal to Chicago. Or to Miami. Or to stay in Cleveland. And Chris Bosh is a done deal to play with him. Or he isn't. Got all that?

Also, everyone met a D Wade's pad in Miami last weekend for the much-talked-about "Free Agent Summit." Only they didn't. Or at least that's the official word. Because that would kind of be like tampering. Or maybe LeBron was actually somewhere else that weekend.

So who are the candidates? We pretty much hate the NBA here, but that doesn't make us any less-informed than the people who are on TV and radio talking about this. So let's make some shizz up, after the jump.


Miami Heat -- As I mentioned via FB/Twitter the other day, Stephen A Smith began randomly screaming on Monday that it's a done deal that LeBron and Chris Bosh are going to join up with Dwayne Wade in Miami and Pat Riley is going to come back to the court to lead these stars to ten straight titles. Because I'm sure what LeBron wants is to be second banana to Wade. Oh, and Miami can't dole out three max contracts, so someone (or all three) would have to take less than the max. And maybe even less than that, so that Miami can, you know, sign enough players to fill out their bench. I don't think there's any way he goes to Miami.

Chicago Bulls -- This was the other "done deal" according to the NY Times on Sunday. I heard this morning that the Bulls had 1,600 season ticket sign ups as a result. And people think that's a big deal. Let me explain something: The Knicks were selling out this year, despite being horrible. And do you know why? Because people were so hopeful that the Knicks would get LeBron that they got season tickets this year and last year in anticipation for next year, since existing season ticketholders get priority. So it's actually hard to quantify how much the Knicks have already made just from the possibility that LeBron might come to New York. So 1,600 doesn't impress me.

While I think the Bulls are a possibility, why would LeBron go to Chicago when he has a 60+ win club in Cleveland? He's already in the midwest, so why move over to Illinois and become hated in Cleveland? Doesn't make sense to me. Leaving Cleveland only makes sense if you're going to make a big splash in a big-time city. And while Chicago is bigger-time, I guess, than Cleveland, he'd have to compete for popularity with the Cubs, the White Sox (kind of), the Stanley Cup champ Blackhawks AND the Bears. Oh, and he'll always get to live in the MJ shadow. Let's say he does win a title in Chicago. Michael won six. And he'll hear that every damn day until he wins seven. And even then, he'll never be MJ.

Los Angeles Clippers -- I think it's funny that people are saying the Clips are a serious player in all this. I will punch myself in the crotch if the Clippers sign LeBron. There is no fricking way LeBron wants to play for the Clippers. I don't think he wants to be second banana in Miami, so I'd have to be consistent and say there's no way he wants to be on a perpetual second banana the way the Clip Joint is in Los Angeles. He'd have to share a building and a city with the weird, aloof Bryant, who would probably decide to hate LeBron for moving anywhere near California. Staples Center is Kobe's turf and I am certain LeBron is not welcome. There just isn't enough room in LA for those egos. Oh, and this is all to say nothing of the horrid franchise the Clippers are. LeBron's not stupid -- he won't play for a horrible owner like Sterling.

New York Knicks -- They basically tanked the last two years to try to get LeBron. They offloaded all the money they could and succeeded in freeing up enough cap space to sign two max contracts. I don't know who would play alongside those two max guys, but whatever. And now that's being cited as a reason they won't get LeBron...because there's no supporting cast. I also keep hearing NY radio saying that if they don't get him, the past two years are a colossal failure. Let's take a step back here.

Donnie Walsh took over an absolute mess from incompetent dipshit Isaiah Thomas. Thomas destroyed this team. He made idiotic trades, gave up draft picks (including lottery picks) and made horrible signings. He botched coaching moves (Larry Brown) and wound up having to coach the team to save his job, which, predictably, he failed at miserably. Oh, and he sexually harassed an employee of the Garden, denied it, fought it publicly instead of paying her off, and then lost the case and cost MSG even more. Okay, so after all that, Donnie Walsh has taken that complete mess and turned it into a team with a good coach, a good player (Lee) and shitloads of cap space to spend. So even if they don't get LeBron, how is that a failure? Given the mess Thomas left behind, how much better a position could the Knicks have possibly been in at this point? The answer is, not much better.

So yeah, they'd like LeBron and, say, Bosh or Joe Johnson. And if they get them and somehow keep David Lee, they're in the playoffs next year. New York will go absolutely nuts. And I know you don't need to be in New York in order to be more marketable anymore -- it's a global village. But it's naive to think there isn't more cache to playing in MSG and representing New York in the NBA the way Kobe represents LA and Wade represents Miami. I still think this is possible. If LBJ leaves Cleveland, I think New York is likely.

New Jersey Nets -- I know Jay-Z and LeBron are close but let's slow down. Jay-Z is a minority owner. That whack-job Russian owns the team. And the Nets are not good. And they just agreed to move to the Prudential Center in Newark which, while an improvement over the depressing Izod Center/Meadowlands arena in East Rutherford, is still in....Newark. Fairly sure LeBron isn't leaving Cleveland to play near New York. And yeah, sure, the Nets are eventually moving to Brooklyn. Look, for one thing, you're a putz if you think that's a done deal. That could continue to drag on for years, and with a new owner, what if he decides he loves Newark and the Nets put the move on hold indefinitely? If they were in Brooklyn right now, maybe there's a chance. But they're not, and there is a zero percent chance LeBron is going to the Nets. Zip.

Cleveland Cavaliers -- This makes the most sense, outside of New York. I only think NY makes sense if LeBron just wants to be on a more glitzy team in a more glitzy city. And if he does, I couldn't blame him. You only get one go-round in this life and for pro athletes, the window to be king of the world is even smaller. LeBron has played seven years in C-town and gotten them to a Finals and won 60+ games twice. I would venture to say it's not his fault they haven't won a title. This could, of course, be debated, but the guy has been pretty incredible in some pretty big spots (that fourth quarter against the Pistons, winning Game 5 last year against Orlando by himself, etc.). Mike Brown was a less-than-mediocre coach and the supporting cast was never all that impressive, I don't think. I would say that the Cavs won as much as they did because of LeBron -- without him, they're no where near as good the past few years. And they definitely don't make even one Finals.

All that said, LeBron is from the area. He likes it there. He's recognized as part of Cleveland. The Cavs can pay him the most. And, to their credit, they do seem pretty committed to finding a way to win a title with him. They need to do some smart hiring and shrewd free agent signings or trades and help LeBron help them. And as much as he would be revered for winning a title in New York, I think the city of Cleveland might explode if he brought the Cavs an NBA championship. I think Cleveland is the place for him to sign.

Also worth considering -- nobody says he has to sign a long-term deal. Why not sign a three-year, big bucks contract and then see how it goes. He's only 25. And if he wins a title or two in those three years, well, suddenly he's even more valuable and marketable.

I think he stays in Cleveland or signs with New York.

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