Wahoo! I sure love being the coach of Louisville. I've gone 41-9 over four years here and we're a solid national contender these days. I feel like I've laid some solid groundwork for a great career and a good program.
You know, ya'll, I've done all I can do at Louisville. I've been there a long-ass time anyway. Who stays anywhere for four doggone years, anyway? It's time to move on. I'm excited about coaching the most excitingly overrated player in football, Michael Vick. He's a solid citizen and I'm sure I can get a lot out of him. I hear he's an animal nut, too, and I like me a good doggie myself. We'll be like Parcells and Simms! Only one of us'll be black! Sweet! NFL, I come to conquer thee!!
Hey, you know, thirteen games was plenty for me in the NFL. In the NFL, you see, each victory is like a championship because of how much preparation is involved. Just ask Bill Belichick. Anyway, based on my three wins, I'd say you can call me a three-time champion. So I've proved my point. I can handle the NFL, so I think it's time to head back to college. And no, this has nothing to do with any of my players being sentenced to jail time and the rest of the team basically rolling over. Michael Who?
I love me some Razorbacks!! I'm here for the long* haul!
*Please note that "long" can have varying definitions.