Hey, Did You Know Tom Brady And Peyton Manning Have Played Each Other Before?

Yes, Rex, symbolicly, that’s what it would be like if the Saints molest you at home this weekend.

Okay, that picture out of the way, it’s time to move on to this week’s Boiled Sports NFL Playoffs Analysis. Or BSNFLPA. I like to pronounce this “Biss-Niffle-Pah.” But that’s just me.

As you know, we’re all competing for a night with someone’s wife. I don’t know where everyone’s minds are but I want to use boilerdowd’s wife for a night of home-cooked food. That is, if I win. If Tim wins, he might want to play one-on-one hoops against her. And if b-dowd himself wins, well, he can do whatever he likes. If she lets him, that is.

But enough about wives. The day will (soon) come when I’ll have a wife so the jokes must end (soon).

As documented, we’ve got a tight race going here, with playoff picks looking like this:

Tim: 5-3

boilerdowd: 6-2

J Money: 5-3

As Kissing Suzy Kolber points out, no matter how bad you feel about your own picks, just look at the dartboard-like results of the crew at ESPN and you’ll feel better about yourself.

So last week we analyzed coaches and learned that fat ones don’t generally last in the playoffs and, look, Andy Reid is gone and Mike Holmgren is gone. And no, despite Tony Dungy and Sean Payton moving on, being a thin coach is no guarantee of success. In fact, you can still suck really hard. See Shottenheimer, Marty and Edwards, Herman for further reading.

And two weeks ago we analyzed the quarterbacks and learned…well, not much, considering perennial choker Peyton is still in the hunt and loose cannon Rex Grossman is also still chuckin’.

So what to do this week? Well, how about we check out the logos/mascots of each team and see what we can glean from that.

New Orleans Saints – What the hell IS that? Is that one of those things you’d see in a Cajun church? I mean, next to a shop-vac? (Sorry, New Orleans, that was low.)

But seriously, is that a stabbing device? It’s not very scary. And, really, neither is a “Saint.”

I always thought the Chicago Cubs had one of the lamest names/mascots mainly because they’re basically calling themselves a baby version of something. Even a baby version of a bear isn’t something that instills fear. But a Saint? There are people who would say my future wife is a Saint for putting up with my BS and, frankly, she wouldn’t scare me on the football field. She’s got good hands but her tackling skills are lacking. Thumbs down on the Saints for tough logos.


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Chicago Bears – Now we’re talking! The Bears sound mean and tough and wild enough to tear your limbs off. Sure, their primary logo is that mediocre “C,” which doesn’t inspire any fear, but they’re the BEARS dammit! ROAR! And then you see their secondary logo...
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and see that the Bear almost looks like…he’s smiling or something. Wooo, scary! Put a detached limb in his mouth or somebody’s entrails hanging out like spaghetti, know what I’m saying? Marginal performance by the Bears logo but definitely better than a Saint.

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New England Patriots – Pat Patriot. Hey, that’s really clever. I guess they had to make it simple enough for their brilliant fans to remember. Pat sounds like “Patriot,” so that should be sort of easy. They switched to the more modern looking logo they currently use and, honestly, it’s not that intimidating. In fact, think back to before they won anything and you’ll remember that the Patriots weren’t ever considered a scary team. They were the Pats, which sounded a lot like “patsies.” Whee! How formidable! Granted, if Pat Patriot...

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were a real person, I wouldn’t want to be on the same field with him. But less because of his bulging muscles and more because he’s, you know, dressed like a Continental Army soldier. That’s just sort of weird.

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Indianapolis Colts – Wow, a horseshoe. Intimidating, guys! “Oh no! The horseshoes are coming to town!” What are we doing, drinking beer at a cookout? That’s the only time horseshoes can be dangerous. And if you want to say, well, they’re not the Indianapolis Horseshoes, they’re the Indianapolis Colts, to that I say: So what? Why not be the Indianapolis Stallions? Or the Indianapolis Studs? In fact, when the Colts franchise bent Baltimore over and gave them a rough screw in 1983, they should have changed their name right then. The Indianapolis Studs – Don’t Screw With Us Or We'll Mount You.

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So on to the picks for this week. With just a one game lead, boilerdowd has to pick carefully and hold his lead going into the Super Bowl. How we’ll break a tie has yet to be determined but it’ll probably be some variation of predicting the final score or the total points or Lisa Bettag’s cup size.

For the championship games…

Tim:

Saints over Bears
Patriots over Colts

boilerdowd:

Colts over Patriots (This is Peyton's chance to quite the whispers)
Saints over Bears (I just haven't bought into the Bears all season, I'm not going to start now...Plus, Drew Brees is super-cute!)

J Money:

Saints over Bears
Patriots over Colts

I can’t believe I’m taking both road teams.

Colts 38 Patriots 34

Paging Ron Mexico. Mr. Mexico, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

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