Can’t Find a Better Man So Hazell Is Still Here – The Illinois Predicto

Can’t Find a Better Man So Hazell Is Still Here – The Illinois Predicto

Your Boilers roll into Champaign – site of Darrell Hazell’s lone road victory as Purdue coach and 50% of his Big Ten victories – this weekend for perhaps Commodore Hazell’s last stand. The debacle in Maryland had even the most skeptical (that Purdue would act during the season) here at BS thinking Darrell could have been done-for. Yet here he still is. If the Boilers mash the Illini, then he’s here for the season. If they lose and he’s not fired Monday, as Aneesh says below, he’s not going anywhere until season’s end, either. Exciting times to be a Boilermaker fan.

This week’s exercise instead of really, seriously analyzing this dog of a football game is for each of the BS team to reveal their five favorite songs…. Either all-time or current, if you’re a wimp like Aneesh who is worried that he’ll be made fun of for putting down a Nickelback song.

So let’s go. And please be sure to name your five favorites in the comments or make fun of our choices. It’s the internet way.



How do you know I don't listen to the same five songs every day? I'm an old. When I was a kid, we only heard five songs a day on AM radio, and we liked them.

OK, that's completely false, even though I am old enough to remember when New Kid In Town was released (no lie; my brother and I listened to it on our Sesame Street radio). It's probably more accurate to say that I do listen to a lot of the same music, although thanks to video games and Purdue bands I have reasonable exposure to this newfangled stuff all the kids are listening to. (Ironically, that's balanced by those same sources playing a substantial amount of music from my era.)

Setting aside other requirements - for example, if this were "the last five songs you'd hear", obviously one of them would be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida; if it were "the last five songs you'd play prior to taking up the torch and pitchfork", We're Not Gonna Take It would make the list; a stubby white guy can't make an exercise playlist without Eye of the Tiger, etc. - it's still a difficult question for me. The analyst in me says "but we listen to hours of music a day and thousands of songs a year, why even think about five", but I'm not in charge here, so while analyst-me is off calculating the 30 most likely answers to this question and why, I'll just put some stuff down and see what happens.

Boston, Foreplay/Long Time - proof that sometimes good stuff takes time. Not many debut albums have the top-to-bottom strength this brings, and this track is possibly the best on the album. Also I'm assuming that playing this in Rock Band 3 counts - note: that is clearly not me playing this on expert pro drums - so I can use the time to practice drums and lead guitar. (Bass is by far the easiest for me; I could probably work on that in Rocksmith instead.)

Journey, Don't Stop Believin' - not sure if this is perfect or worst-choice for a Purdue fan. Back in the days where finding bass tabs for a song was like having class canceled on Friday, this was one of the few songs I both liked and could play. Again, I'm old enough to have been actively listening to music when Escape was released, but I don't specifically remember this song from then. It wasn't until college, I think, when it really began to kick in. (White dude likes Journey: details at 11.)

Iron Maiden, Aces High (live w/Churchill intro) - this could probably be any of about 12 songs from Live After Death, especially if you don't need a full band to play them, but we'll go with the opening track partly because of the speech and partly because why not? (Of course it's the live version. If you came here to argue for the studio version then you can wait outside.) I know, Run to the Hills is the Rock Band song - I'll admit that getting even part of the drums right was an awesome feeling - but I can step away from video games for a few minutes, I guess.

Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run (live) - again, you heathens, of course it's live. If you are stuck on Springsteen in the studio, there is no hope for you. (As a reminder, Manfred Mann got American airplay solely by saying "those songs are lame, I bet we could do better than that." He was right.) There are few songs that start out at 10 and stay there, fewer musicians who play four-hour shows because of some deal with the devil that they'll have to pay off in 100 years or so. This has both.

Ludwig van Beethoven, Symphony No. 9 in D minor, Op. 125 - the whole thing. That's right. If I've only got five songs for the rest of my life, you're going to wait 15-45 minutes to get to the part you really want to hear. You sit there tapping your foot for all I care. What? OK, OK, fine. Here you go. But you'd darn well better appreciate it, because that, my friends, is flipping Ode to Joy, and if that doesn't move you, you have neither heart nor soul, and I will come to your house and eat all your cheesy bread and the inside pieces of pizza and leave you nothing but crusts.


Illinois 36
Purdue 13


The Swamy:

This is an impossible question. My music nerdity goes so deep and changes so often that I cannot possibly choose just five songs. So, instead, I’ll give you the favorite songs of five absurdly specific genres that I can’t stop listening to right now:

Funky Funk With That Funk And That Funk: Hit It and Quit It – Funkadelic. It’s been stuck in my head solely because of this week’s episode of Atlanta, and it reminded me that the entire Maggot Brain album is perfect and Eddie Hazel is one of music’s most underrated guitarists. Not all Hazel(l)’s are bad at their job.

Blues Guitar So Good That It Doesn’t Inspire You To Pick Up The Guitar It Inspires You To Quit Music Because Nothing You Ever Do Will Come Anywhere Close: Derek Trucks, Susan Tedeschi, and Warren Haynes performing “I’d Rather Go Blind” in the White House. There’s no guitarist walking the earth right now that can hold a candle to Derek Trucks. You should see him every single time he comes within 100 miles of your home town.

Deep Soul Song That Makes You Remember Life Is Beautiful: Hello Sunshine – Aretha Franklin. Aretha is history’s greatest soul singer, though my dad would through hands (on behalf of Etta James) if he ever heard me say that.

Hip Hop, 2016 Edition: Room In Here – Anderson .Paak. Paak’s Malibu or Chance the Rapper’s Coloring Book have been my favorite albums of the year, and right this second Paak has the slight edge.

Live Recording That Brings Me To Tears Every Time I Hear It And I Can’t Really Explain Why: Billy Preston singing George Harrison’s “Isn’t It A Pity”, live at the Concert for George. My favorite Beatle is Billy Preston. My second favorite Beatle is George Harrison. This is a perfectly emotional song and I love it very much.


Purdue isn’t a good football team STOP

The fan base is done with Darrell Hazell STOP

Illinois is a bad football team STOP

If Purdue loses, they’ll continue to dwell at rock bottom STOP

If Purdue loses and Hazell isn’t fired on Monday Bobinski is giving him the year STOP

I would bet the search for his replacement has already started STOP

Illinois -9

Illinois 38
Purdue 20



In Greek mythology, Tantalus was punished for cannibalizing his son by being made to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low hanging branches. The branches, however, were just out of reach, and the water would recede whenever he bent to get a drink, thus depriving Tantalus of any nourishment. Purdue football can relate to that perpetual state of a tantalizing disappointment. Notre Dame is a perennial power (although the bloom may be off the rose there), and even IU is seeing a resurgence of sorts. Purdue peaked with a Rose Bowl appearance 15 years ago, and everything since has been trying to chase that high, only to watch it slip further and further away. Illinois will be yet one more nail in a coffin that's long and buried. Purdue loses (and Hazell is fired):

Illinois 42
Purdue 17

Five favorite that's tough. Ok, here we go. Note, this may change a year, or a week from now.

Modest Mouse - Polar Opposites. Since I can't name an entire album as one of my favorite songs, I'll pick my favorite song from my favorite album. This is one of the few albums that I will sit down and listen to, start to finish. Those who grew up in, or are familiar with, Indiana's more rural communities should be able to relate to Isaac Brock's lyrics.

Rod Stewart - Maggie May. Perfect song with a perfect ending. Love Stewart's voice, love everything about this song from the moment I first heard it. Seriously, 10 years off the end of my life to sing like Rod Stewart.

Pearl Jam - Alive. Favorite guitar solo ever.

Outkast - ATLiens. Perhaps not my favorite rap song ever, but Outkast is the best rap duo ever. That whole album is fantastic.

Dinosaur Jr - Get Me. I wish I was J Mascis.

Honorary mention: The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out, Neil Young - Cortez the Killer, Grateful Dead - Box of Rain, CCR - Lodi, Boston - Peace of Mind, Nirvana - Sliver, Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears - Big Booty Woman (Live), Built to Spill - Aisle 13, Bad Religion - F*ck Armageddon...This Is Hell, Tool - Pushit


J Money:

This is yet another of those “winnable” games on a super-soft schedule. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if the team actually pulled together against all the noise they’re no doubt hearing and had a great showing. But no way I’m tipping the odds in their favor. I think the ship has been lost and there’s no getting it back.

Illinois 33
Purdue 16

I’m a guy who has presets and Pandora stations for country, jazz, R&B, ‘80s rock and classic rock. If I could only listen to one genre of music for the rest of time, it would actually most likely be jazz with country a very close second – yet jazz songs don’t make my top 5. When I started listening to country 20+ years ago when I went to Purdue (no country in NJ back then), my sister made fun of me for being hick-ified. Now when I listen to country she makes fun of me because country is so “trendy” right now. Weird how that works. Music is funny and I agree with the sentiment put forth here that your five favorites are usually fluid and as much as that can be teased as a cop-out, it’s actually quite fair. That said, here are the five I would put on my list if I were forced to have only five for the rest of my days.

Eminence Front, The Who – From what I understand, most Who fans don’t put this very high on their lists at all. For some reason, I have loved this song from the first moment I heard it. I’m a sucker for hard bass rhythms songs that feel like they’re thumping your soul.

Why Can’t This Be Love, Van Halen – B-dowd knows I’m a longtime VH fan and this song is without a doubt my absolute favorite. It reminds me of windows down summertime drives in the early ‘90s.

Somewhere With You, Kenny Chesney – Kenny is perhaps my favorite artist, mainly because I like country music and his has a sound that isn’t the same as so much of the “bro country” you hear out there today. Songs like “El Cerrito Place,” “I Go Back,” “Summertime,” “There Goes My Life” are all excellent examples of songwriting. But “Somewhere With You” was a departure for Chesney, as it’s without question the darkest, eerie song he’s ever recorded. Even if you don’t like country, you should listen to it. The haunting piano notes, the dark lyrics (“Laid me down, whispered in my ear ‘I hate my life…’”), the yearning. For a guy usually singing great beachy, beer-drinking songs, this one is a departure.

Beat It, Michael Jackson – Michael Jackson was kinda sorta our generation’s Elvis in a way. He transcended music, was globally popular and was gone too soon. Beat It was at the height of his popularity explosion and includes a guitar solo in the middle that still gives me chills from Eddie Van Halen…who, according to legend, did it for free.

The Thunder Rolls, Garth Brooks – If you are a country fan, you likely appreciate Garth’s music as he was a godfather of sorts to it becoming more mainstream. The Thunder Rolls has been a favorite of mine since I began listening to country and is one of the songs Brooks added an extra verse to at the end. Supposedly, it’s not on the original album version “because of its graphic nature.”



This is it, in my opinion.

No, I don't think this is the last game Hazell will coach, although Bobinski wouldn't be out of line to end this era on Sunday morning.

What I do think is that this is the last good chance of a victory on this schedule. Northwestern has the ship faced the right direction, and outside of the Illini, every team remaining on the schedule is just better than Purdue.

Since the summer, I've held steady with the opinion that Purdue would win 2-3 games...I hope they make more than a number two out of the rest of this campaign; doesn't seem like they will though. I actually feel pretty lousy about this Saturday.

Chief Illiniwek 37
The Lil' Train 20


Because these are my favorite, doesn't mean they're the best songs in my library...but I could probably listen to these on a loop for days.

5. All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprocket - great emblem of alt college rock of the 90s

4. I Can't Go For That by Hall & Oates - Hall and Oates are the perfect duo- neither can stand without the other...but everyone knows Oates can't sing lead.

3. Rock With You by Michael Jackson - Probably the greatest album of all something from it had to be on this list.

2. The Dance by Garth Brooks - Amazing song...chokes me up when I think about the special relationship J and I had in college.

1. It's Funky Enough by The D.O.C. - If you don't wanna go chew on glass or break something after listening to this, you probably don't have a pulse.


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