Here, Kitty Kitty – The Northwestern Predicto

Many of us felt Darrell Hazell was a big upgrade over Danny Hope. If that’s the case, he really needs to begin the turnaround on Saturday. Imagine, if you will, how ludicrous it would be if Purdue now went out there and won their remaining three games this year and then ran the table next season, including the Big Ten championship game. Well, if Darrell Hazell wants to pull ahead of Danny Hope on the Purdue leaderboard, he’ll have to that and then win the CFB Playoff, too. Because he needs to win his next sixteen consecutive games in order to match – match – Danny Hope’s record at Purdue. That’s the state of things right now.

As for this weekend, is there anyone left who is excited by the prospect of what a Hazell coaching regime will bring to bear on a Saturday? *Checks schedule* Ah, Northwestern, yes, Northwestern. A program that, as I noted on the Handsome Hour this week, had a run from 1976-1981 where they went 3-62-1. So yes, kids, I guess technically it can get worst. Just 14 years later Northwestern was in the Rose Bowl….soooo, look out 2029.

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Aneesh the Swamy:

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone - if possible - Jew, Gentile - black man - white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness - not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost....

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men - cries out for universal brotherhood - for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world - millions of despairing men, women, and little children - victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me, I say - do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed - the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. .....

Soldiers! don’t give yourselves to brutes - men who despise you - enslave you - who regiment your lives - tell you what to do - what to think and what to feel! Who drill you - diet you - treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate - the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then - in the name of democracy - let us use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world - a decent world that will give men a chance to work - that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world - to do away with national barriers - to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Purdue 31 Northwestern 27

Michael (rrt1):

Purdue is a bad football team, so bad that it really doesn't matter who they play. They are not close, they are not making progress, they just plain suck. Purdue fans are divided into two camps: those who openly hate the program, and those who just don't care anymore. And although I've been firmly in the "Hazell will get a fourth year, regardless of performance" camp, I really just don't see how they can justify keeping him in at head coach. Everything is terrible right now, nothing seems to be improving, and it just seems pointless to try this all again next year. But then again, I'm not the one writing the buyout check.

For now, this is where we are, and it looks like we'll have to just grit our teeth and bear the rest of the season. Damn.

Purdue: 10 Literally Any Other Division I Program: 42

Dave (zlionsfan):

If you're about my age, then your introduction to Northwestern football was as the punch line to a joke, a program that probably wasn't even part of the Little Eight back when Michigan and Ohio State were the Big Two. At one point, the most successful NU coach during my life was a guy who had two winning seasons out of nine (and wasn't within a game of .500 any of the other seven). John Pont was fired after back-to-back 1-10 seasons; he was replaced by Rick Venturi, whose best record in three years was 1-10. He was replaced by Dennis Green (yes, of "Crown their ***!" fame), who won 10 games in five seasons and was replaced by Francis Peay, who won 13 in six seasons. [Seriously, look at ’76-’81 here. –Ed.]

If you're a generation younger, then your introduction was likely 1995. The Cats upset Notre Dame in South Bend, somehow fell to Miami (NTM) at home, and then didn't lose again until playing USC in Pasadena ... and even then, they led in the fourth quarter and only lost by more than a score because they missed a two-point conversion up 32-31.

That 1995 team ripped through the Big Ten, going 8-0, beating #7 Michigan in Ann Arbor and #24 Wisconsin and #12 Penn State at home. (That is one more time than Purdue has gone 8-0 in Big Ten play. The Good Guys haven't won 7 conference games since 1980 and haven't gone unbeaten in conference play since 1943.) The Cats went 7-1 in 1996, losing only at Penn State and sharing the conference title with Ohio State. (Purdue hasn't won a share of the title in consecutive years since 1931-32.) Gary Barnett's magic ran out after that, and he was replaced by Randy Walker, whom you've read about before.

Pat Fitzgerald was the answer to a difficult question, and his 4-8 record in 2006 remains the worst Northwestern has posted under him. In fact, they were .500 or better for five of six seasons, only dropping to 6-7 in 2011 because they lost their bowl game. Among Big 14 coaches, only Kirk Ferentz has been with his school longer than Fitzgerald, who is 12th in I-A tenure. (And given that Frank Beamer is retiring and Mark Richt will likely be buried in rural Georgia, let's go ahead and call him 10th.)

The Wildcats aren't on the same level as the Big 14 "elites" this season, but they're far from where Purdue is, in virtually every way you can measure it. When you realize that Venturi's years at NU perfectly match the peak of Jim Young's career at Purdue (he was 28-7-1 and 3-0 in bowls while Venturi was 1-31-1), it's easy to see that in the same period of time, Northwestern built a respectable program from some of the worst football the conference has ever seen, while at the same time, Purdue has declined from a competitive program to a national joke.

Last year, a 5-7 team ripped the Boilers, 38-14. This Northwestern team is substantially better, if exclusively on the defensive side of the ball - the offense is horrible, worse even than Purdue's. Keep that in mind when it looks at times like Greg Hudson has his ducks in a row. The Wildcats are average on special teams overall, but swing wildly by category, from kickoffs (114th) to kickoff returns (6th). Naturally, Purdue is still bad across the board ... so expect the NU offense to get at least one short field, which will produce all the points Northwestern will need.

Northwestern 24 Purdue 0

P.S. I almost predicted 24-3 but LOL FG

J Money:

You’ll be able to see Purdue football on BTN tomorrow at Noon versus the friendly kittens to the north. However, tonight’s basketball game played by a ranked Purdue team will be on a pay-only “BTN+” option. The plus stands for “plus you get the added frustration for paying for something that may or may not stream reliably.”

I guess that stands to reason, though, because if you had to pay to watch what Purdue football has become you’d probably laugh. Morgan Burke told everyone watching BTN last night that Purdue is on the right track. In fact, he said “Despite the losses and inconsistent play, progress is being made.”

Maybe he means they painted the hallway in the football offices or something. Or he finally has the border complete in his Rose Bowl jigsaw puzzle. I don’t know.

Purdue will probably go out there and win this weekend and I’ll have no idea what to make of anything anymore. And if they do, good for those players – as we’ve noted, they’re still playing hard and still seem very committed. That’s something good. I can’t find much else.

Northwestern 38 Purdue 20

Boilerdowd:

I've never liked cats. I'm extremely allergic to them...I think they're arrogant and know that most of them really do nothing of worth to mankind. I do love kittens though because they're as adorable as Neesh and J Money in a recent fall photo card they just sent to all of their pals.

Digression...

The point is, the Cats from Evanston, while cute and cuddly sometimes are really not worth much to the rest of the world outside of B1G country. They can't play fetch...and really don't want to. On Saturday, they'll successfully exert their will upon the plucky Boilermakers in spite of the fact that the Good Guys are guests in their home.

I don't like the color purple either...it just doesn't look good with my skin tone. I do look very lean and debonair in black though. Northwestern understands this premise...and has taken advantage of this in slimming and fashionable uniforms for the last 20 plus years. Good move.

Evanston is beautiful in the early fall, but a little blustery this time of year...and the antiquated Ryan Field provides no relief from the chilly ChiTown wind.  All of these things are of utmost importance...and can be found in Coach Hazell's binder in the "Adversary" chapter of his player handbook.*

I think Coach Fitz ("Go Cats.") is a solid coach who does a lot with limited resources...seems like a classy guy and has always looked like what I'd imagine Drew Brees' meaner, less handsome older brother would look like.

For these reasons, I'm forced to begrudgingly pick against my beloved Boilers. Wind, partial sun, ill-fitting gloves and distracting facemarks will all come into play for the Good Guys on the field Saturday. At the same time, overgrown beards, poorly-fitting jackets and tucked-in windbreakers will be detrimental for the coaching staff. None of this is good news for Purdue.

Northwestern (or any D-1 collegiate team from Illinois that decides to show up) 48 Purdue 14

*I have no copy of the handbook, but assume this is true. Furthermore, I'm not strong enough to lift the handbook myself.