Indiana Advances To Second Day Of Tournament

In a proud moment for a struggling college basketball program, the Indiana Hoosiers advanced to Day 2 of the NCAA Tournament by not being ousted on Day 1.

"It's a proud moment for us," said Coach Dan Dakich through misty eyes. "We saw our other in-state rivals advance and knew that we had to do the same, otherwise it could hurt recruiting and our overall standing in Indiana."

The Hoosiers faced stiff competition, such as getting to their hotel and making it through practice without being eliminated or committing any more NCAA infractions.

"This program's been through a lot," noted AD Rick Greenspan. "Dan Dakich has led this club admirably and in a very caucasion way."

During a press conference later in the day with several Hoosiers, Eric Gordon suddenly stood up and said that if Coach Sampson wasn't coaching, then he wasn't playing. He followed his short ultimatum with "Who's with me?" and ran out of the room.

He returned shortly after nobody had followed him and DJ White told him to sit down and shut up.

The Hoosiers play Arkansas today.

Tooooooo Sexy.

I was wrong.