Let's Do A Smattering

I've often thought it would be fun to have some regular features around here but since this isn't our primary job, it seems the only regular feature is people coming by to tell us we suck.

Anyway, so I thought it might be fun to sometimes lump together some of the popular sports-related topics into a smattering of sorts. There are all sorts of things going on that I'd love to blabber about, so I'll just throw them into smaller tidbits for you to chew on. I'm good like that.

(Oh, and why the photo? Well, I wanted to institute Sideboob Friday a while back and it fell apart fast... so what better way than showing a different part of a sideboob? Of course, then I found an even better one once I started looking.... [Warning: mature eyes only])

I wonder if, next season, anyone will use the phrase, "The Falcons are in a dogfight today!" -- You know, it's always been interesting to me how much everyone on ESPN and other similar places liked to anoint Michael Vick as the next great QB, a guy who will change how the position is played, etc. Yet, here we are, six years into his career, and the little guy is the very definition of mediocre (75 career rating). But that's not what he's in the news for these days. No, Mike Vick is a dogfighting sicko and not just like, on the periphery. He might have a few dozen dead, mutilated dogs on his property. Yikes, this is just disgusting and deplorable. And, I mean, how sick do you have to be to witness this stuff over and over and get your rocks off on it? This guy needs serious therapy. When Marcus Vick was getting into all that trouble at Va Tech and getting kicked off the team and people were wondering about why Michael didn't play the big brother role and wise him up... well, it's because this is the kind of person Michael is, too.

A-Rod's a big cheater because he yelled -- Come on, seriously? This was all over the radio waves in New York the day after A-Rod spooked a rookie third baseman into dropping a pop-up, prompting Toronto manager John Gibbons to say ARod is "bush league." As bush league as getting into a fistfight with one of your pitchers, John? If it's anyone besides ARod who does this, the conversation isn't happening. But just so we're clear... the fans can scream and yell but the players have to be silent... do I have that right? Please.

Eljah Dukes is a classy guy -- Further proof that if you've got some talent, people will overlook everything. Elijah Dukes threatened to kill his wife and her kids and he did it over voicemail and text messaging. I guess the good thing about this is that he's wayyyy to effing stupid to ever get away with anything. According to catcher Shawn Riggans, though, Elijah is a swell dude:

"A lot of people make these assumptions based on what they read in
newspapers or what they hear," catcher Shawn Riggans says, "and it's just totally, totally unfair to do that. I love Elijah. He's a great guy. I'd take a bullet for him."

And you very well might do just that one day, Shawn. Like, if you ever drink his YooHoo or something.

The NBA sucks but has a few moments now and then -- Kobe is a whiny, petulant bitch. and how absolutely great is it that LeBron chose the day after Kobe's taking over the NBA headlines as his date to absolutely single-handedly beat the Pistons in Game 5 of the Eastern Finals? I mean, I'm not a fan of LeBron's and I think he's a bit too arrogant for a guy who is weak at the free-throw line and hasn't won squat yet, BUT.... when you think about how he's got a very mediocre Cavs team one win from the Finals, well, it's hard to disagree that he's the man. And that performance Thursday night was simply hard to believe. Hey Kobe, LeBron might have just leapfrogged you in more ways than just this week's headlines.

(Oh, and you'll also note that one of our co-authors, Tim, is noticeably silent on this series. You'd think that living in Cleveland and writing for a sports site, he might actually have something to offer. But no, Tim still thinks that he can jinx his teams and that talking about them might have some mystical, wizard-like effect on the franchise. Tim also still believes in Santa Claus so don't spoil that for him, either.)

The truth, as always, is that lying is better -- So, let's get this straight: fans and self-righteous sportswriters have been demanding that players apologize for the steroid era and morons like Mike Golic go on and on and on about how if a player apologizes for something they did, no matter what it is, they'll be forgiven and then beloved. Except that when Jason Giambi -- a guy who is very well-liked in the game -- actually says that he and all of baseball should indeed apologize for "doing that stuff," he gets investigated by the commissioner, his team's owner says he "should have kept his mouth shut," and his team begins exploring (again) whether they can void his contract and screw him out of something like $40 million. I'm sure everyone will want to come clean now.

Athletes cheat on their wives -- This is news? A-Rod was seen with a blonde in a couple of locations while the Yankees were in Toronto. You're kidding! A professional athlete, who is always on the road, cheating on his wife? Unheard of!

Right, Kobe? Uh...Kobe?

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