We've all seen the Roger Clemens Cingular commercial with his rather hot wife from last year, where it appears Roger's call is dropped and he can't hear his wife angrily opposing his latest comeback with the Yankees. But what did we not hear?
All commercials are shot with lots of dialogue that is eventually edited out. Here at Boiled Sports, we were able to obtain some previously unreleased transcripts of that commercial. Read on...
Roger: "Hey, honey, I'm here with Rusty Harden and some other guy we met on the course and we were talking about 'roids and HGH and whatever those horse suppositories were that Mac jammed up my ass all those times. Anyway, Rusty and this dude we just met both think I can just deny any of it ever happened because, hey, I'm Roger Clemens and who's going to believe someone else over me?"
Debbie: "Are you kidding?"
Roger: "You know, just say the word and I won't do it... I won't come back to play or even think about being arrogantly defiant about my PED use. But if you're cool with it, I also have a backup plan if this ever blew up in my face. I'll just tell them that he injected YOUR fine ass with HGH. We'll just say it was so you looked more buff when we did that SI shoot. Remember? Man, we had wild sex that day... I wonder if those photographers were telling the truth when they said they had no film in their camera while we were doin' it. I know you said we should wait until we got home but I just had to have you. Wait, where was I? Oh, right... just say no if you don't want me to head down this path... I mean, I just won't... if you tell me not to, I won't do it. That's all you gotta say..."
Debbie: "ROGER! Can you hear me! No! No! NOOOO! A thousand times no! Roger! Andy knows, too, remember? Who knows who else he told? What if they ask HIM about it? And Andy's wife knows, too! Oh, God, Roger! Andy's busted wife and I talk about that all the time! And you know how God-fearing Andy and his wife are! They'll tell the truth for sure! And that will sink you totally! So if all I have to do is say 'no,' then consider me saying 'NO F-CKING WAY'!! In fact, I just knocked over some flowers in the kitchen to illustrate my point! You know how much I hate knocking things over, Roger!! Roger! Roger!!!!"
Roger [hearing nothing]: "Okay, great.... hey, guys, I'm back and we're on for the plan! If anything goes wrong, my wife is on board with me just doing the sticking-my-fingers-in-my-ears-and-screaming-na-na-na-na-na routine! In fact, she's so happy, she's speechless!"