This just in.

As you may have heard, the IOC investigated the Chinese gymnasts on allegations that they're under age and therefore ineligible to compete. The IOC wrapped up the investigation after a mere 4 short hours.

Continuing our developing story, we've intercepted a phone call from the Chinese government made to the International Olympic Committee. This may shed some light on the brevity of the investigation. The transcript follows:

IOC: Hello, this is the IOC. We have found evidence that three of your gold medal winning gymnasts are under the minimum required age.

China: Who is this? Frank? At least you could have said you were calling from Shanghai.

IOC: No Mr. China, I'm afraid this really is the IOC. We're going to have to strip those athletes of their gold medals.

China: Listen here mother father! I made you! I own you! Without me you're nothing!

IOC: I'm sorry, but you broke the rules.

China: No, no, let me apologize for getting upset. What I meant to say earlier was that I'd like to have you over for dinner. We're eating your balls!

IOC: Oh. Um. Sixteen. Yep they're all sixteen. Thanks again. Have a great day. Please don't shoot me.

Catching up...

They grow up so fast...