The BS MLB Preview -- Part 2

And you thought I forgot about the American League. Or maybe you didn't care. Either way, Part 1 of the MLB Preview was last week and covered the NL. Here's Part 2.

AL East

New York Yankees – Yes, I’m biased. But I think this team is going to be better than people think. They have as much offense as anyone would ever need and that’s been the case for a while. Pitching has been the weakness but now they’ve got some young, talented pitchers and a deadly bullpen. Also, get ready to hear about Yankee Stadium's rich history for seven months. One Big Question: Did you need another reason why Don Mattingly shouldn’t have been named manager?

Boston Red Sox – I know everyone else is picking them to win the division. But I think they might get off to a rough start because of their 16,000 mile road trip, the distractions of being the defending champs, etc. They could be mid-pack by the end of April and if the Yanks don’t stumble it’ll be hard to catch up. One Big Question: Will Terry Francona have faith in Curt Schilling, whose rapid aging is shocking in this photo?

Toronto Blue Jays – Poor Toronto. Excited about picking up guys like Marco Scutaro. They do have Roy Halladay, though, and an overall talented team. They’d steamroll pretty much any NL division, but due to their placement they’re permanently relegated to third place. One Big Question: After getting popped in the snout by Ted Lilly a couple years ago, will John Gibbons pick any more fights?

Tampa Bay Rays – Just the Rays. No more Devil. They’ve decided to adopt sunshine as their logo… while playing in a dome. That’s perfect. They also should win more games this year than ever before. I see 75 wins as a nice step up. One Big Question: Who is this happy little fellow and could he beat Mr. Met in a fight?

Baltimore Orioles – They might be as bad as we all thought the Nationals were going to be last year. I am going to guess their win total as between 58 and 65 games. Traded away Tejada and Bedard and got nothing worthwhile back. They’re terrible. One Big Question: As bad as they’re gonna be, why not bring back this equally ridiculous logo?

AL Central

Cleveland Indians – Tim will be mad that I am putting the hex on them, but here they are. If fatty Sabathia pitches like you know he wants to in his contract year, this team is a World Series contender. Remember, they were one win away from it last year (sorry Tim) and would have crushed the Rockies, too. One Big Question: Why aren’t the Indians wives hotter?

Detroit Tigers – Biggest splash in the offseason doesn’t always lead to success. It just adds pressure. Plus the Tigs bullpen is a disaster. It’ll be an awesome battle with Cleveland all summer and the Tigers surely could do it, but I just think the Tribe will come out ahead. One Big Question: Do you realize Pudge Rodriguez is so old, he was involved in that famous Nolan Ryan-Robin Vetura beating?

Minnesota Twins – The Twinkies recently dumped a truckload of money in Joe Nathan’s driveway to keep him in town. Of course, they also traded away Johan Santana, so there will presumably be fewer games for Nathan to save. I guess this was Minnesota’s way of telling their fans they haven’t given up but they might as well in this division. Twins and Jays fans could start a support group. One Big Question: Do the Twins have the gayest mascot in MLB?

Chicago White Sox – No, Ozzie Guillen is not some kind of savant. He’s a wack-job whose team had everything go right for it in 2005. They’ll continue their downward spiral and will be lucky to stay ahead of the Royals, something they barely achieved last year. One Big Question: When will Ozzie finally come out?

Kansas City Royals – They’ll get better soon, I think. But the problem is, again, they’ve got two powerhouses in their division, plus an always competitive Minny team. So they better beat up on the Sox while they can. One Big Question: Should the Royals go back to these monochromatic wonders to garner some attention?

AL West

Los Angeles Angels – The only thing that makes me waver a bit on this is that Kelvim Escobar might be out for the season and John Lackey is already out a month. That’s like 37 wins from last year. That said, though, Mike Scioscia always seems to find a way, despite his mouth-breathing, fully jacketed ways. (Seriously, you never see the guy in just his uniform top – he’s always got a jacket, and it’s always zipped all the way up. You play in southern Cali, dude! Watch for it this season.) One Big Question: Will somebody please shut the Rally Monkey up?

Seattle Mariners – I keep hearing people pick the Mariners. I know they had a good run last year but they completely petered out in the thick of the Wild Card race and wound up 88-74. Not bad, but nothing magical to make us think they’re on the verge of breaking through. They might be in first for a while thanks to the Angels aforementioned issues, but I don’t think they stay there. One Big Question: What can’t Ichiro do (besides draw walks once in a while)?

Oakland Athletics – Somehow this team always seems to rise up. They have Harden and Blanton, as well as Huston Street and, I don’t know. This team could go 74-88 or 92-70 and I wouldn’t be surprised either way. One Big Question: Can somebody explain why the “Athletics” mascot is an elephant? Are they particularly athletic or something?

Texas Rangers – One thing I find really funny now that I live in Texas is that nobody takes the Rangers seriously. I go to Dallas for work a lot and everybody there scoffs when I mention the Rangers. They make derisive comments about it not being “real baseball,” etc. I kind of find that hilarious that even the fans in the hometown area simply detest the franchise. Well-done, Tom Hicks! One Big Question: Why can’t I think of a good “Walker, Texas Ranger” joke here?


So to sum up, the division winners in the NL: Mets, Brewers, Dodgers, and I'm picking the Braves as the Wild Card.

In the AL, it's Yanks, Tribe, Angels, with the Tigers getting the Wild Card.

That's all. Be sure to come back to this page on Oct 1 and make fun of me.

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